


Light in the dark

by toomuchtroubletbh



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 21:45:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17553776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomuchtroubletbh/pseuds/toomuchtroubletbh
Summary: Based on prompt:“I literally can’t sleep alone anymore so I’ve shown up at your door in my pajamas; can we have one more nap together, please?”





	Light in the dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sorryiapologizesomuch17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryiapologizesomuch17/gifts).



> This one is dedicated to my favorite dork in the universe. Brooke, thank you for your unwavering love and support. I hope i never have to go another day without your dorky self. Love you so much.
> 
> ps: Sorry for any mistakes, I suck at this writing thing. Hope you all enjoy :)

Clarke knows how ridiculous this is, she does. But its 3:30 am in the middle of winter, and she _can’t sleep_. She’s standing in front of the door of her boyfriend, sorry, _ex-boyfriend’s_ apartment in nothing but a threadbare shirt, old sweatpants, fuzzy slippers and a worn out varsity jumper that is arguably 4 sizes too big for her. She’s also a bit hysterical because her best friend, who she’s been staying with for a month, had to leave on a week-long business trip and this is the first time since her break-up that Clarke has to asleep alone. Frankly, it’s not going too well.

Taking one last stuttering breath, Clarke musters up enough desperate courage to quickly ring the doorbell before she changes her mind. It’s a good while before he answers the door but when he does, all Clarke can see is miles of tan skin, sleep mused curls and a squinting Bellamy Blake. She’s so busy taking in the sight of him that she doesn’t realize she hasn’t said anything.

“Clarke, what are you doing here?” Bellamy questions, his voice still coated in exhaustion.

Clarke feels a little more than guilty knowing she woke him up. But he looks so warm and inviting and she hasn’t been able to sleep well in months and she knows she won’t be able to fall asleep tonight if she isn’t beside him. At least just for tonight. _One last time_ , she tells herself.

“I-I just,” she pauses, gathering the nerve once again to get this off her chest. “Look, I know how ridiculous this is, me just showing up after a month of us not speaking to each other, and I know its unbelievably unfair of me to just expect you to forget about us breaking up and let me in, but… I haven’t had a goodnights sleep in weeks and it’s _so_ hard to fall asleep without you-“, She stops her ramble abruptly, wincing at the slip up.

Bellamy stares at her a little shell shocked and trying to take in everything she said despite his exhaustion.

He stares a little too long and Clarke is just about done making a fool of herself. “You know what? I’m being so stupid. S-sorry for bothering you, I’ll let you get back to bed.”

A hand on her wrist stops her from bolting out of the doorway.

“Wait, Clarke-”

“No, no. Its fine, Bellamy. I shouldn’t have come here. It was selfish of me to assume I could.” She tries to pry her arm out of his grasp but he pulls her closer. She stills.

“Clarke, don’t be silly. Come inside, it’s freezing out there, not to mention way too dark. There’s no way I’m letting you drive back home right now.” He urges her forward with a tug on her sleeve. “C’mon, I’ll make you some tea.” He says, closing the door behind her as she makes her way inside.

They don’t speak while Bellamy prepares tea for the both of them, which leaves her wracked with nerves by the kitchen doorway thinking of ways to get out of this situation. If she had any drinks, she could have played this whole incident as a result of her being inebriated. She shoots that idea down quickly, knowing Bellamy is more than familiar with her behavior after she’s had one too many pints of Guinness in her system. 

If Bellamy takes notice of her hesitance, he doesn’t give any indication, just simply cocks his head towards the bar stool on the side of the counter for her to sit on while he finishes off their drinks. Sliding the mug across the counter, he takes a seat across from her, arms crossed over his (still bare!) chest. After a few moments, Bellamy can tell Clarke won’t be the one to speak first, seeing as she’s more than content taking periodic sips of her tea while keeping her eyes firmly drawn to the fraying thread of his worn out coaster.

“So, do you want to talk about what’s been keeping you up at night or did you want to continue mooching off my extraordinary tea-making skills until dawn?”

That pulls a smile from her face. “Can’t I do both?” Clarke teases back.

Her face turns somber, “I’m sorry, Bell,” She toys with the ends of her sleeves nervously, “I really didn’t mean to come over here so late and demand you take care of me.”

“Hey,” Bellamy walks around the counter to stand in front of her, pulling her hands in his. She pulls her gaze reluctantly from her lap and looks up at him. “There was no forcing on your part, believe me. I let you in here all on my own, like an adult.” She cracks a smile at that.

“I just-, I’ve been having trouble sleeping this past month. I literally cannot stay asleep unless someone’s laying with me, and Raven’s been _so_ great with being there for me, even though I know I’ve been putting a damper in her social life, but she left for a business trip this morning and this is the first time I’ve been alone and I have to be at work in a few hours, I-, I just…” her face contorts into an expression of exhaustion and defeat. “I’m so sorry I bothered you. I was stupidly hoping you wouldn’t mind taking one last nap together, but I think-, I think I’ll just go back home.”

 She makes to grab her phone off the counter, but his grip on her hands tightens.

“Just-, _stop_ ,” Bellamy lets out a sigh. He knows this is a terrible idea, and it definitely won’t make getting over their relationship any easier, but… He can’t help but feel that a large part of him wants this too. One last time to wrap her up in his arms and pretend things are fine. She’s only asking for tonight. He can do this.

He gently tugs her to her feet. “C’mon, I think I’ve still got a pair of your pajama shorts lying around my drawers.”  She looks about ready to protest, but he’s already leading her into his bedroom, their fingers loosely intertwined between them. When they reach his room, Bellamy lets go of her hand, and for a moment Clarke scolds herself for longing for his warmth again. She doesn’t deserve it. She broke his heart. She broke _hers_. She shouldn’t get to have this so easily. When she brings herself back to look at him, he’s pulled out her Greek alphabet printed pajama shorts and handed it to her before getting work to make up his sleep-rumpled bed. “I’ll just- I’ll go change,” she tells him, still a little unsure.

After changing, Clarke and splashes some water on her face in hopes that it would dilute her nervousness. She’s surprised to see her spare tooth brush is still sitting in the cup Bellamy keeps next to the sink. After she brushes her teeth and rights herself, she goes back to the bedroom and finds Bellamy sitting stiffly at the edge of his bed, as if he too is on the verge of a breakdown. After a brief second hesitating in the doorway, she walks towards the bed, drawing his attention from his hands to her.

“So, should I-”

“Do you wan-”

They both let out a breathy laugh. “I don’t want to make this uncomfortable for you, so I think you should just tell me what you want me to do in this sleeping arrangement.” Leave it to Bellamy to put the comfort of everyone else above his own. “You don’t have to hold me or anything, I know that’s off the table, but just lying with you will make it easier for me.” She hopes she doesn’t sound as desperate as she feels. He must not notice, because he simply nods, “Alright then, let’s try and catch a few hours of sleep before the alarm goes off.” He tries to keep his tone even, but Clarke can tell by the slight waver of his voice that he feels just as cautious as she does.

 _Of course, he has every right to be_ , she thinks to herself. I’m _the one who ended things,_ he _should be the one yelling at me and kicking me out right now. But he’s not_.

She’s interrupted from her internal monologue by the sound of the bed creaking under his weight as Bellamy lies down, evidence of its age echoing through the room. Clarke can’t even remember how many times she had complained about how he should “just fucking buy a new one, Bellamy, it’s not going to kill you if you replace it with something with more structural support, _God_ ,”. Then he’d mumble something back about how it has character and they made a lot of memories here, _it’s part of the family, Clarke_.  

Rolling her eyes at the memory, Clarke climbs in beside him. Bellamy is lying on his back, facing the ceiling, and after a moment of hesitation, she turns and faces him. Her eyes track over his side profile, her gaze running along the strong curve of his jaw to his lashes fanning across his features with every blink. She’s so captivated; she doesn’t even realize she’s been staring. Clarke can already feel herself entering a lulling calmness, when he suddenly turns his head to look at her.

Her breath catches at the sight of his warm brown eyes locked on hers, looking as if all of the unsaid words he’s been dying to get out are resting between each fleck of gold within his irises. She can’t believe she ever thought she could live in a world where his eyes aren’t her anchor keeping her steady.

“Bellamy,” she starts, as if his attention wasn’t already encompassed by her. “I- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Clarke,” he places a hand tentatively on her arm laying between them. “We don’t have to talk about this now.”

She pushes herself up with her elbows, sitting up. “Yes, we do! I don’t want to go another minute without telling you how unbelievably sorry I am about what happened. I should never have left like that.”

Bellamy pulls himself into a sitting position, “You did what you had to do. If you weren’t happy with me,” His voice breaks a little at that, “then you had every right to leave-“

“But that’s not it at _all_!” exasperated, she takes a deep breath. “Bellamy, I didn’t leave because I don’t care about you. I left because-,“  she bows her head, her memories of that day fighting behind her eyes. Bellamy keeps his eyes trained on her, his hand a comforting support on her knee, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. She glances back up at him, regret laced in her eyes, “I left because--, I was scared.”

Abruptly he stops his movements, eyes focused on hers. After a moment he notices her hesitation to continue, so he resumes his reassuring strokes of his thumb.

“I just-, we were moving at such a fast pace. I got swept away in the world we were creating together, that I didn’t even notice how easy it was to lose myself in it. And it was _so_ great, Bell. Being with you. I was so happy-“

“-Then why did you leave?” he’d refrained from interrupting until this moment, but he couldn’t keep his emotions in check any longer.

And in that moment, the remaining pieces of Clarke’s heart shattered into infinitely smaller fragments. Because, while Clarke was torn up about how heartbroken she was about leaving the man she loved behind, _he_ was here trying to piece together why she wanted to leave in the first place. She hurt him; she left him without any explanation all because she was too scared to face the reality of committing herself fully to someone with the possibility of getting her heart broken like it happened countless times before. Now she realizes how unfair it was of her to assume Bellamy could ever do that to her. He loves her. Or maybe loved. But even so, he never gave her any inclination to doubt his love while they were together. Not even during those first few months of grudging friendship that thrived off of heated debates and friendly banters. Looking at him now she can see the weight of her mistake heavy behind his eyes. She hopes he’ll let her fix it. So she says, “Because, Bellamy, I was that scared loving you was going to tear me apart.”

His effort to keep his eyes from giving away the hurt in them doesn’t go unnoticed by Clarke, so she continues, her voice  hoarse and her body is shaking with regret and guilt, but she’s going to suck it up because, dammit, he deserves to know why she was too weak to stay.

“I was too scared that eventually, the world would take you away from me, just like it’s done with everything else that has ever brought me happiness in my life so far,” her tears are cascading at a steady pace by now, “So I left. I left because I know you are the one thing I cannot stand having be taken away from me, because god dammit, Bellamy, you _are_ my happiness, and I’m so tired of living without you.”

Bellamy’s staring at her, eyes wide in shock and something else, but his silence is what prompts the anxiety to rise in Clarke’s throat and insecurity to seep in her lungs.

She quickly blurts out,  “and I know it’s been a month and you’ve probably moved on already, and I shouldn’t have just shown up like this, it is _so_ unfair to you-“

“ _Clarke_ ,” he breathes out, firmly taking both of her shaking hands in his and giving them an encouraging squeeze. It’s what gives her the push she needed to finish her thought.

Looking up at him from beneath her damp lashes she stutters, “I-if it’s okay with you, I’m ready to not be afraid anymore. I want to be brave. Brave for you.”

Not even a second passes after the last word leaves her lips before Bellamy’s hands are cupping her face and drawing her closer. Placing his forehead against hers, their lips a hair’s breadth away, he whispers, “you’ve always been brave, princess,” and with that he captures her lips with his own. It’s desperate and all consuming, everything that a reunion should be. Clarke’s fingertips igniting spark at every point of contact as she trails them up his back until they’re tangled in the thick curls at the nape of his neck.  Bellamy desperately tries to bring her as close to him as possible as their kiss deepens, his hands splayed under her shirt spanning her back.

Moments later, as they’re catching their breath, lying in bed completely entwined in each other’s arms, Clarke realizes that this is what was missing every night for the past month. The peace that comes with being in Bellamy’s arms, the feeling of being consumed by the love he gives and the _freedom_ of having her heart whole again. Just as she’s on the cusp of sleep, she breathes out, “Love you, Bell,” snuggling deeper into his chest.

Smiling sleepily into the night, Bellamy draws her closer and places a kiss at the top of her head, “Love you more, Clarke.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos make me happy :))


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